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According to Roosh and Game In BK (who both have game), even if you have game in the conversational sense, you will only sleep with 3-4% of the women that you approach. I don't even want to imagine the percentage for guys that don't have game in the conversational sense. I think that percentage is just insane. Roosh lays out two options that he has:

1. Go out more to increase the odds of finding girls that I like.


2. Lower my standards.

I have nothing to say about his options, however, there are two other options that he has that I've talked about on my blog:

3. Go where/when there is less competition.

Too many PUAs go to overcrowded nightclubs where there is simply too much competition, even for the attractive guy. I've talked about this extensively. I will not go anywhere that is too crowded simply because there are too many distractions for a woman. If you can't get decent comfort game going because of various distractions or there being too many good options for a woman, then that is not a place where you want to be.

4.  Be the guy to set the bar high.

If you don't think you can be one of the best options for a woman in that particular nightclub, then you need to go somewhere else and come back when you are. And I'm saying this from a realistic standpoint; not from some kind of I think therefore I am standpoint. I know I can be the funniest guy that a girl will ever meet. However, if I am not in a funny mood, then I know that I will have to rely on my looks. And if for whatever reason, if most of the guys around me are NFL players, guys rocking Gucci, or are just high rollers that I can't realistically best, then I know that I need to go somewhere else where I am one of the top guys.

It also looks like Roosh is going through a phase that I went through (you can read about it in my stories). He is in a position where he knows that his wingmen really are a self-inflicted obstacle, but he doesn't want to tell them to stay out of his sets. Wingmen are a bigger problem than what anyone is willing to admit. It can be tough, because it looks like you are choosing a woman over your friends. I think that eventually, he will have to address them. You can still go out with your friends and have fun without having to invite them into your sets.

And finally, I think that if you know that you're going to have to approach any number of women before getting a lay, then you need to cut through the bullshit as soon as possible. Women usually know whether they like you or not before you even open your mouth. Why waste time having a conversation with a girl that has no intention of giving you any real shot in the first place?

I'm not saying that a guy should show interest throughout his conversation, however, he should express it during his approach just to see if the girl has any real interest as well. That way, he doesn't waste time on a maybe chicks, and he can focus his time on women that are actually interested in him from the get-go. However,  most men will ignore this advice. Why? Because like I said in another post, PUAs get addicted to "almost" pulling a girl. For a lot of guys, that's better than getting flat out rejected at the very start, even if they waste time on these maybe girls that could be used on women that are actually interested.

Read More at:

https://savannah-craigslist.aangevinkt.nl/

https://savannah-craigslist.lize.nl/

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https://savannah-craigslist.bitworks.co.nz/

 

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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be great with women?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be great with women at the expense of your own feelings?

Sometimes I get the feeling guys are always looking for a quick fix to an area of their life that deserves so much more attention than that.

I remember when I first starting meeting women. To get me out into the real world as fast as possible, David got me using canned material. This was awesome as it allowed me to talk to women immediately…

Soon I was having great interactions with women. The sort of interactions with women that I thought were never possible for me.

However, it was not long before I started feeling uncomfortable. I felt like this because I felt that it wasn’t really me. That I was using underhand tactics to meet women. Something that should be totally natural.

I didn’t Feel Comfortable In My Own Skin

Part of David’s training can sometimes involve using a pre-tested ‘line’ as it allows you to get out in the real world as quickly as possible. This is great because it bolsters your confidence and makes you realize you have the ability to meet and attract hot women.

When you get past this initial stage you may start to feel like you want to adapt to a more natural approach. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is something that we really focus on here at Social Masters.

Feeling comfortable means doing things that are congruent with your natural behavior. For example, if you don’t like motorbikes but you end up telling motorbike stories to impress women because some website told you to then you are not gonna feel comfortable about it.

Ask yourself…

Do you do things that make you feel awful just to meet and attract women?

Now I am not on about that awful feeling you get when you are about to approach. We all get that :-).

Instead I am on about the feeling you get when you have used underhand methods to attract a girl. Maybe you told her a story about yourself that wasn’t true. Or you told her about all your ‘hobbies’. Hobbies you don’t actually do, but thought it would impress her.

References

https://netherland-dating.linkplein.net/
https://netherland-dating.linkhotel.nl/
https://netherland-dating.vindjeviahier.nl/
https://netherland-dating.eigenstart.nl/
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https://netherland-dating.rtlplaza.nl/
https://netherland-dating.uwbegin.nl/
https://netherland-dating.games2download.com/
https://netherland-dating.vakantie-links.nl/
https://netherland-dating.starthoekje.nl/
https://netherland-dating.web100.org/
https://netherland-dating.medischestartpagina.nl/
https://netherland-dating.billardgl.de/
https://netherland-dating.webterrace.com/
https://netherland-dating.kunigunde.ch/
https://netherland-dating.diogames.com/
https://netherland-dating.buildupthatwall.com/
https://netherland-dating.gamers-review.net/
https://netherland-dating.maxlinks.org/
https://netherland-dating.pokeren-ligne.be/
https://netherland-dating.gamecih.me/
https://netherland-dating.linkb2b.pt/
https://netherland-dating.ysrnry.co.uk/
 

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I covered this topic in Deeper Than Game, but Tazzy Bee also said something similar:


I've realized recently that when a woman approaches you , it is because she is extremely attracted to whatever stereotype you project. This means for black men , whenever a white woman approaches , its best to stick with direct / mode one type of game.

These are very true words. It's always good to be different, but it's best not to stray too far away from the stereotypes that women believe about men like you. Sure, you may get a girl that may like your uniqueness, but these women are rare. The types of women that will choose you or like you instantly, will most likely like you because of some stereotype or preconceived belief that they have about men that are similar to you (what you appear to be).

For example, if you are a black guy that hangs around white people and primarily white nightclubs like I do, then yes, you want to fit in with your white friends, but at the same time, you still want to be a black guy. It's best to fit in just enough so that you aren't an outcast, but at the same time, you want to maintain your blackness because if a girl chooses you, she most likely will choose you because of the stereotypes associated with black guys.

And let's not limit this to black guys. White guys should do the same. You need to go heavily in the direction of a rocker, fratboy, hipster, etc.,. Why? Because women who like white guys, tend to like white guys that fit one of those descriptions. It's not enough to just be a white guy; you gotta be a stereotypical white guy in one of the categories of white guys that women are attracted to.

I believe that this is the reason that when it comes to women, black guys either flourish, or they continually fail. The black guys who fail may be able to attract women with their looks, but if they've never hung around black jocks or thugs, then they have no idea of what women who choose black guys like about them. This is usually the case with black guys from the suburbs who never became jocks or spent any considerable amount of time around inner city black guys.

For example, I know of a couple of black guys that go the heavily rocker route with the crazy earrings, chains, etc. These guys are basically white guys. However, these guys don't get any women. Why not? Even when a woman is into the rocker scene who likes black guys, she probably likes black guys because of some of the stereotypes about their personalities. So what happens when these girls in the rocker scene talk to these black guys and find out that these guys are totally white? They get turned off and move on.

The same goes for older guys in general. The women that choose older men aren't looking for older men that are trying to impress them with tricks and routines. They want older men because they are stereotypically experienced, calm, confident, etc. So what happens when a chick chooses an older guy and then sees that he is performing all kinds of tricks and routines to impress her? She gets turned off and moves on.

I'm not saying that you have to play up every stereotype, afterall, my voice, style of clothing, and vocabulary is the same of a typical frat asshole white guy, but at the same time, I know how to play up the right black stereotypes. I know how to be cool, calm, dominating, etc., so I still get the girls that are into black guys without scaring them off because of not being "black enough".

No matter if you're old, black, white, hispanic, if there's something about your race, age, social class, etc., that a group of women tend to go for, then you need to play up some of the stereotypes associated with it, as the women who choose those guys, choose them for stereotypical reasons. You can still be unique and be yourself, but make sure that you don't stray too far away from what women like about guys that you are stereotyped to be like. A lot of PUAs have trouble because they don't just pick a stereotypical direction and go with it.


----

If you're dating outside of your race, you obviously want to fit in culturally with whatever women you are going after, but at the same time, if there's something that is positively associated with your race, then you want to maintain it. Again, I'm a black guy that likes keggers, some rock music, and art, which makes me appealing to white girls, but at the same time, I have the positive personality traits that are associated with black guys, such as being decisive, cool, etc.

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https://massachusetts-craigslist.b9.nl/
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And this is exactly why if you're gaming in nightclubs, you just want to focus on cracking jokes and having fun all night long: 

Sexual attraction isn't simply a matter of physical bodies drawn magnetically together in search of compatibility.

For some women, personality - in particular, a good sense of humour - is equally, if not more, important in generating a sexual spark.

One indication of the importance of a good sense of humour in a man is that it is one of the few personality traits that has its own abbreviation in online dating sites: GSOH.

Another is that research shows married women who think their husbands are witty are more satisfied with their marriages than women who do not.

Women rate it as a desirable trait in short-term sexual and long-term romantic relationships.
Why a sense of humour is so important in sexual attraction has been the subject of scientific debate.
One critical distinction is between humour production (making others laugh) and humour appreciation (laughing at others' jokes).

There's a sex difference - men define a woman with a good sense of humour as someone who laughs at their jokes. Men especially like women who are receptive to their humour.
Women, in contrast, are attracted to men who produce humour, and that's true for all types of relationships, from one-night stands to lifelong matings.

The most likely explanation for why women and men alike are attracted to those with a sense of humour is because laughing elicits a positive mood - it's a sign of confidence and intelligence, too


Read more: 

Karaoke Night

Attempts to Open

Playing The Game

Welcome From an Aspiring Pick Up Artist

Unlocking A Woman's Inner Slut

Get The Facebook Info

What Black Guys Don't Get

Speak To The Vagina

Something Women Can Relate To

How Nightclubs Fooled Women

When Women Give You Eye Contact

Flexing Your Financial Muscle

Why Women Are Attracted To Men

The Jackass Never Dies 


Now you guys know what you should be focusing on, personality-wise. Humor has the highest payout. If you haven't already, perhaps you should be checking out Assanova's Chick Crack and Assanova's Book Of Awesome Game?" ["link_replies"]=> string(164) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/3580890473860823906/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/05/humor-is-greater-than-physical.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/3580890473860823906" ["link_self"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/3580890473860823906" ["link"]=> string(76) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/05/humor-is-greater-than-physical.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [4]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(67) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-823185527412359155" ["published"]=> string(29) "2021-05-07T07:38:00.004-07:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-05-07T07:38:39.497-07:00" ["title"]=> string(31) "Trouble Shooting: The Shit Test" ["atom_content"]=> string(22111) "

 A reader asks …

I am getting kind of confused with how to deal with this “sh*t testing.” It seems like it would be hard to find that balance between being an understanding and “not taking the sh*t from the girl.”

At the understanding side, someone could take that too far and end up being a door mat. But, on “not taking the sh*t from the girl” side, someone could take that too far and come across as insensitive of what the girl is going through or why she is reacting in that way. Thanks again,
Matt

Matt, I would say that you really need to assess the situation. I can’t give you a manual on all the situations a woman will engage in that will indicate that she is sh*t testing you. The action could be the same – yet the intention she has for it could be different. This is where you are really going to have to use your judgment.

It’s not a matter of, “Why is she really sh*t testing me” and more of a matter of, “How do I choose to respond to this?” If you always choose to respond with presence – you will win 100% of the time.

You need to pay attention to her reactions. If she says something and you make a joke about it to lighten the mood and she seems more resistant to you after that – then clearly it’s because she is experiencing an insecurity and needs to not only feel your presence but your compassion.

Now keep in mind that a woman is more likely to sh*t test to gauge your strength as a man during the initial stages of meeting her. Say you meet her at a coffee or club she will use sh*t testing as a barrier to fend of suitors which are not suitable to her at all. Therefore, you will more than likely encounter a small bitch shield. Maybe she will: display cold body language, won’t look you in the eye, or make a sarcastic remark. And, there are two places she could be. She really might not be interested in talking with you right then and there (sometimes women just are not in the mood to be picked up or to flirt with a guy no matter how appealing he may be) OR she may just be testing to find out whether you are worth her time. So she will throw a few little tests your way to see how you respond to them. When she sees that you don’t crumble, that you can hold your own, remain calm, cool , collected, and perhaps even make her laugh – she will be more than willing to stop what she is doing and divert her attention to you.

In the initial stages of attraction a woman will be predominately be testing to answer the question “Are you a man that is worth opening up to?”

After you have been dating a woman for a while tends to evolve and looks a little different from when you are initially trying to attract her.

Once you have developed a level of attraction and trust with a woman she will want to test and will be thinking, “Remind me that you are a man that is worth continually opening up to”.

So, you will find that she will express more insecurity based words or actions. Therefore, she may appear moody for no particular reason, she may nit pick on you, she may try to control you, and she may even withdraw to you. All of this is a subconscious process which is designed to gauge how you will react.

Now this is the part that most men miss. They think that when a woman withdraws, acts moody – that they need to respond with niceties or worse they need to walk around her on eggshells. The worse thing you can do to kill your attraction with a woman is to pretend something is ok when it is not. So here is what you need to do.

1) Acknowledge the sh*t test – communicate to her in whatever way you deem appropriate that you know exactly what she is doing.

Her: “You hair looks terrible today”
You: “I’m glad you noticed … I put a lot of effort into it” *sly smile* (in this process her comment should be like water off a duck back – it doesn’t phase you one bit”

2) Validate – An extension to acknowledging this process is about respecting her emotions – showing her that they are in fact important to you.

You: “So we both know this is not about my hair – why the pouty face?

3) Obliterate - Cut through her insecurities by revealing your strength to her – allow your strength and masculinity to be a rock wall she can lean on.

You: *In reference to the pouty face comment* You don’t want to pull that too long, premature wrinkles on the forehead won’t be in fashion for a very long time”

Trouble Shooting
Listen intently, allow her to express – be prepared to change her state using humor. Humor will also allow a woman to feel safe enough to open up to you. But first you must acknowledge and validate her current emotions. You don’t need to get “caught up and lost in her emotions” – you just need to recognize that they are there and allow her to express and say whatever it is that she needs to express and say.

Now a woman will only want to change her state and allow herself to be happy again if she has had sufficient time to “vent” (this means talk, express, get upset over” the very thing that is causing this insecurity. Once she had expressed this – she will have the mental and emotional capacity to move on, be happy and much more open and receptive to you. And, not a moment before.

Now, I’m writing this break down of sh*t testing for you guys, especially since I know that you are a little more advanced that the Average Joe out there. If I were to do a video of this on you-tube I would get a whole bunch of comments like, “Why do I need to put up with her sh*t”, “I need a woman who is less maintenance than this” and so on. And, possibly this thought may or may not have crossed your mind, too.

Note: These are advanced techniques and are based on the assumption that you guys are interested in not only understanding a woman’s need but anticipating them.

This is all based on the assumption that YOU Choose to be the smarter, more proactive part of the relationship and that you will take the leadership position to lead her into a relationship that will fulfill you both.

With that said I know that sh*t testing can be really confusing still to many of you and I would love to know what your thoughts are so I can help clarify any more concerns.

I’ve had my say, now it’s your turn!

Read More at :

Introducing a New Person Into Your Life

On Codependency And Discovering the Obvious

The New Work/life Balance Struggle

Do We Love or Do We Emulate?

Some Things Really Are Sacred

How My Mom Helped Me Lose My V-Card

I Never Say I Need Him

Blueprint for a Man’s Life

How to Break Your Own Heart

How To Have Better Experiences

News Flash: Sex is a Distraction

The Subtle Allure of A Life More Ordinary

Happiness Hyperopia

Pickup for Feminists

The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility!

Me & the Great Online Dating Experiment


" ["link_replies"]=> string(159) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/823185527412359155/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/05/trouble-shooting-shit-test.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(80) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/823185527412359155" ["link_self"]=> string(80) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/823185527412359155" ["link"]=> string(72) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/05/trouble-shooting-shit-test.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [5]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(67) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-969751726271009538" ["published"]=> string(29) "2021-05-04T08:07:00.004-07:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-05-04T08:07:24.817-07:00" ["title"]=> string(31) "You Met Your Man ~ Why Freak ??" ["atom_content"]=> string(30096) "


Maria met her man !!  She’s so excited !!  
 
She knows how to weed out the “bad guys” …
 
She knows how to attract what she wants …
 
Everything she’s learning is paying off !
 
But now that she’s met her new man, she’s starting to freak out !! 
 
Jake didn’t come in the package Maria expected.  He’s a little younger … and different physically from what she imagined.
 
But he has everything and more of what she wants !!
 
Maria and Jake connect on so many levels and have an absolute blast together. 
 
He’s thoughtful, kind, funny and a great kisser. 
 
He understands and respects that she doesn’t want to have sex without a commitment … AND he doesn’t want children … which is a major deal breaker for Maria.
 
Maria has prayed many times for someone like Jake to show up and take her away from the dating madness.
 
It’s so good !  So right …
 
Yet, Maria feels anxious and is starting to freak out.
 
So what’s the problem ??  Why is Maria freaking out ??
 
Meeting a man like Jake was exactly what Maria wanted.  She just wasn’t expecting the emotions that come along with …  the vulnerability … the fear … the crazy !!
 
Is this normal? 
 
Yes it is.   For several reasons …
 
1.    Fantasy Meets Reality
 
It’s one thing to dream of your man.  It’s another to finally meet him.
 
In your dream … he’s pictured a certain way … he behaves a certain way … and he’s available at your convenience.
 
The reality is … he’s probably not going to be anything like you pictured.  He’s gonna be who he is … and he’s gonna want to see you at his convenience. 
 
When you meet your man … “freaking out” is not going to be about the man.  It’s going to be about you.  Here he is … the real deal.  Who are you in relationship to him?  Are you available to receive him?  Seeing yourself reflected in the presence of a real man can be freaky indeed!
 
2.    Too Good To Be True
 
When your man really, really wants you, it’s great … and it can feel overwhelming. 
 
You imagine wonderful feelings of love and bliss.  You meet him and he surpasses your imagination.  Then you realize his attention can feel quite frightening.  You are exposed.  It’s a very vulnerable place. 
 
You start questioning EVERYTHING … like, is he the right man?  Or do you even want a man ??  Crazy, huh? 
 
Meeting your man takes you to the deepest part of yourself and it can feel terrifying … because you have to look at who you are, what you value and your own self-worth.
 
Are you worthy to receive your man … if he’s “too good to be true?”
 
3.    The Risk Factor
 
Meeting your man doesn’t come without a risk factor.  Love in the best circumstances is still a roll of the dice.
 
You’re human.  Amid the bliss of meeting your man lurk old fears and beliefs.
 
What if it doesn’t work out?
 
What if you lose yourself?
 
What if he uses you, then leaves?   
 
There’s a lot going on.
 
It’s normal to freak out. When you meet your man, your life changes.  Big time ! 
 
It will never be the same. 
 
The anticipation … uncertainty … excitement … adrenaline … joy … fear … freak out … are all part of being in a new relationship with your man. 
 
It’s a normal feeling. So, take a deep breath and relax.
 
The best thing you can do is stay anchored in your own self love and enjoy the ride !
 
To help you get started in meeting your man … or understanding what to expect when you do, order “The Role of a Lifetime: How To Star In Your Own Love Story” home study course.

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" ["link_replies"]=> string(159) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/969751726271009538/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/05/you-met-your-man-why-freak.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(80) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/969751726271009538" ["link_self"]=> string(80) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/969751726271009538" ["link"]=> string(72) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/05/you-met-your-man-why-freak.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [6]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(68) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-8879627350952855925" ["published"]=> string(29) "2021-04-30T03:43:00.002-07:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-04-30T03:43:58.108-07:00" ["title"]=> string(22) "Long Distance Hang Ups" ["atom_content"]=> string(8012) "

If you have ever been in a long distance relationship, you know how frustrating it is to be hung up on. The worst part about it is that you feel helpless. Not only do you know that the person you love is beyond angry with you, but there is not a single thing you can do to make the situation better. Every time you call, he puts your call through to voice mail. Every time you sign in online, he signs off. Every time you write an email, he doesn’t respond. Long distance hang ups are rather torturous for most people in this situation.

Why does it happen? There are many reasons for this but basically it is because one person is upset and just cannot stand the relationship at the current moment. This is a common feeling, even more so in a long distance relationship. The anger can stem from silly comments interpreted poorly, from disheartening actions from your partner’s side, you had a really bad day or you are simply frustrated with the distance. These situations would make anyone go mad and you can expect to hear a few dead lines of communication before your partner is ready to start anew.

Obviously the best piece of advice is to just avoid the whole hang up situation. Unfortunately, that is a lot easier said than done. If you want to hang up, just try to think about how awful it would be if your partner hung up on you in a fit of anger and how much you would dislike it. Use an excuse, say someone is calling in, that you have to walk the dog, you have plans with your mother, anything that sounds feasible but that can end on a good note. Once you are off the phone, you can take the time you need to get away from the situation without hurting your partner’s feelings.

Once you are ready to communicate, you can talk to that person again and explain the situation clearly and come to an answer. When you are at a distance it is crucial to speak to your partner while you are calm and relaxed so that you can avoid any major emotional blow outs. Long distance relationships certainly take more time to understand and much more effort than an “ordinary” relationship.

References:

Love after divorce: How dating did it for me
 
5 Top Tips for Boosting Your Confidence With Dating
 
Five Biggest Lies Dating Women Believe and How I Overcame Them
 
What Not to Talk About: First Date Guidance
 
Dating Non-negotiables
 
Playing the Dating Game After Divorce
 
Flirting Efficiency – Tips for a Great Web Flirt
 
Toxic Relationships: True Love Doesn’t Make You Suffer
 
To Date or Not to Date a Two-Time Loser
 
About Men: Do You Speak Male?
 
Gay Dating – Finding Love in the Gay Community
 
How to Fight With Your Wife
 
7 WAYS TO WOO WOMEN ON BUMBLE

 



" ["link_replies"]=> string(156) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/8879627350952855925/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/04/long-distance-hang-ups.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/8879627350952855925" ["link_self"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/8879627350952855925" ["link"]=> string(68) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/04/long-distance-hang-ups.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [7]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(68) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-9121224850914670827" ["published"]=> string(29) "2021-04-02T02:21:00.001-07:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-04-02T02:21:14.143-07:00" ["title"]=> string(34) "What I’ve Learned in my Thirties" ["atom_content"]=> string(21838) "

 Even as I was living it, I knew that I would look back at my thirties and know that this would be the most interesting, fun, difficult, and freeing time of my life. So often a woman in her twenties, with notable exceptions, is wrapped in family and societal expectations. You barely know yourself let alone the world yet you have to make decisions that can impact the rest of your life and all you feel like you can handle is matching your lipstick to your nail polish. There are so many pressures of doing “the right thing” and it feels like you have to do everything RIGHT NOW. There is such a sense of urgency to get married, start a family, start a career before you know what the fuck is going on. For me, I was in the wrong career, the wrong marriage, and I wondered why I was so unhappy. In your thirties, you know yourself a little bit better, you know a little bit more of the world, you start to care less about what others think of you. With this self and world knowledge, you can start making better decisions. Its not too late.

Career

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Family

Body Issues

Sex

" ["link_replies"]=> string(171) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/9121224850914670827/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/04/even-as-i-was-living-it-i-knew-that-i.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/9121224850914670827" ["link_self"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/9121224850914670827" ["link"]=> string(83) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/04/even-as-i-was-living-it-i-knew-that-i.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [8]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(66) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-41626945985429634" ["published"]=> string(29) "2021-04-01T04:01:00.003-07:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-04-01T04:01:11.121-07:00" ["title"]=> string(33) "There Must Be SOMEthing I Can Do!" ["atom_content"]=> string(12700) "

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I got dumped by my girlfriend of a year and a half, we are both in college and go to school in different states, but the distance was never a problem. I tried to visit her as much as I could and every time I saw her it was nice and we had a lot of fun. Two weeks after I got back things got rocky. And we tried to work them out, but she came to a conclusion that she wants to break up, she said she wanted to “experience new things”. I’m still not sure what she means. She said she wanted to be “single for a while”. I have been trying to move on for some time now it has been about 2 months and I still can’t stop thinking about her. I have the same dream with her in it every night. I miss everything about her, her smell her touch, her voice, her smile. I think what we had was something special, and at one point we both thought that, she had said it many times. She said that “what we have is rare and only comes along once” so I don’t understand why she broke up with me.


I would like to think I was a good boy friend. I sent her a message every morning saying “have a great day! I love you” and every night “Have sweet dreams”. I wrote poems, sent her little gifts just because. When we were going out her friends boyfriends would get mad at me because of the nice things I did. I tried everything I could to make her happy. I never cheated on her, never hit her, never forgot a birthday or anniversary. I like cuddling more than anything sexual. I tried to make her laugh when ever I could. I loved her with all my heart.

Now she seems like she is happy without me, and I don’t believe that she could have gotten over what we had so quickly. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her back because I believe we are meant to be together. So I am asking if there is anything I can do to get her back? Or to get a second chance?

If you could help me that would help me so unbelievably much. It would get back a piece of I’m missing. ~Broken Hearted~

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Dear BH: The Bitter Single Guy wishes he was there to give you the big hug that you obviously need and to pat you on the back in a comforting way (pat-pat-pat).

Yours is the classic story of being dumped; there’s no other way to describe it. Although it’s certainly of little comfort, the BSG assures you that everyone else who’s out there in Dating Land has felt what you feel today (including the BSG).  Here are some key points:

·         Your main question is how to get her back. Buck up, BH…you can’t have her back. Yes, it’s possible that she could spend some time out there in the big world then decide that you were the best boyfriend ever and come sniveling back into your arms, but if it’s already been two months the BSG thinks it’s unlikely. You’ve been dumped…accept it.

·         You don’t know how she could have moved on so quickly? It’s because she actually started moving on several months ago. It’s not easy being the Dumpee, but it’s also pretty brutal being the Dumper. The BSG is pretty sure that your Departed Damsel thought a lot about breaking up with you before she actually did it. So the reason that Departed Damsel seems so well adjusted is that the last part of her adjustment was the breakup, even though it was only the first part for you.

·         You’re dreaming of her every night? BH you’re breaking the BSG’s heart here! Know that grieving for something lost is a necessary and healthy process that you simply have to go through. You’ll be sad, you’ll have bad dreams (when you can sleep), you’ll be lethargic and generally not very much fun to be around. But believe the BSG when he tells you that it will get better. That said, if you start losing weight because you’re not eating, or if you can’t seem to get yourself out of the house for more than a few days at a time, the BSG strongly recommends seeking professional help to get you through this.  But again…you will get through this.

·         Departed Damsel told you she wants to be single for awhile? Ouch, BH. The BSG knows (as his readers do) what it’s like to be told that she’d rather be with no one than be with you. Here comes the tough message BH, so brace yourself. The BSG doesn’t think Departed Damsel actually wants to be single. He thinks she just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. For that reason, don’t be shocked if Departed Damsel suddenly starts seeing someone else in the next short while.

You see BH, the problem is that while you were deliriously happy in your relationship, Departed Damsel wasn’t. There was something missing for her and she likely spent part of the time you were together trying to get that need filled (whatever it was). None of this is easy to hear BH, but it’s what getting dumped is all about.

OK now it’s time for a little tough love BH. The BSG doesn’t know the details, so he can only respond to what’s in your letter and there’s one little section that concerns him. You sent daily notes of love and encouragement, never forgot an important date, wrote poems, and liked cuddling more than sex? While that seems right out off the Good Boyfriend Manual, the BSG and you both know that sometimes we can have too much of a good thing. BH the BSG wants you to think about whether you were a little smothering in your care and attention? Honestly, the BSG didn’t have any concerns until the ‘cuddling more than sex’ part, because you know…sex is pretty important to lots of people. Like he said, the BSG doesn’t know the details, so just wants you to think objectively about that.

BH, take care of yourself and let your friends be there for you and he promises that one day you’ll wake up and not feel like you’ve been stomped on. ~BSG~

" ["link_replies"]=> string(164) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/41626945985429634/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/04/there-must-be-something-i-can-do.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(79) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/41626945985429634" ["link_self"]=> string(79) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/41626945985429634" ["link"]=> string(78) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/04/there-must-be-something-i-can-do.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [9]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(68) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-1595220628672116051" ["published"]=> string(29) "2021-03-25T09:33:00.002-07:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-03-25T09:33:14.278-07:00" ["title"]=> string(18) "Tired of The Yo-Yo" ["atom_content"]=> string(12306) "

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I pretty much know the answer to this question but I need someone objective to beat it into me.  A little over a year ago I became involved in a lesbian relationship with a co-worker.  First it was all hot and heavy sex in the company bathroom and sleep-overs almost every night.  But because she just had left a long relationship she kept telling me she didn’t want to date. 

Sometimes though, calling me her girlfriend, then other times reminding me weren’t “together.” Whenever I seemed to broach the subject, she got jumpy.  I don’t know if this is because she just got out of a relationship or because she just wasn’t so into me but it seemed like she was from all the texts and sleeping over.  Anyway we had a few major blow-outs that would end with her saying she just wanted to be friends but eventually we’d end up back in bed and seemed to be “dating” again. 

A few months ago, after a blow-out I ended up sleeping with a man and getting pregnant.  The night before I “took care” of the pregnancy I find out she slept with one of my close friends.  I think out of feelings of guilt for what she did and what I was going through, she said she realized she loved me and wanted to “work it out” with me, even bringing up moving in together.  Two weeks later I pissed her off and she dumped me….via text message.  So there was no “work” behind the “working it out.”  My question is should I be angry about getting strung along and why do people do that? And if I’m not over her, how can we friends?  Granted we still work together…which majorly sucks! ~In Over My Head~



Dear IOMH: Gracious girl, you ARE in a pickle aren’t you? There is much to say here, but you’re not asking the BSG how to avoid getting into similar pickles next time (although he has some opinions there).  Your question specifically is whether you should be angry about being strung along and why people act that way.  Good question IOMH.

First it’s important to know that your Fickle Fig wasn’t likely trying to send mixed messages or string you along. She was trying to, as we all occasionally do, balance her head and her heart. Her head was likely telling her (and you, via her mouth) that a relationship was a bad idea, while her heart (and various other parts, apparently) were sending a very different message. This isn’t because Fickle Fig is a bad person, but is just because in order to broker peace between her head and her heart, she had compromised for both. 

As this all progressed however, she had the chance to set some better boundaries and chose not to. It’s clear that Fickle Fig isn’t likely to set any useful boundaries where you’re concerned, so you and the BSG both know that it’s up to you.  

Based on your experiences with relationships recently, the BSG recommends you spend some time single; hanging out with friends and taking care of yourself after some difficult times. If you miss the physical parts (so to speak) of your relationship with Fickle Fig (or the dude you slept with), well the BSG hears that there are appliances for that…appliances that always set good boundaries and never send mixed messages.  ~BSG~

References

Time to Pull The Plug?

When Blogging Backfires

Always the Friend, Never the Good Stuff

Letting Him Down Easily

Guide to Online Personals

Backed Into A Corner

Seeking Perfection

Webtalk Loveawake

Cross-Atlantic Marriage

When Prison Romance Goes Bad

Dating Advice to the Advice Guy

Dumped by Spineless Boy

Searching For a Soul-Mate

When Humor Hurts

What Being Dumped Looks Like

 



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 Everyone has a story and if you listen carefully to those stories I guarantee that from each you can glean a new lesson or something of inspiration.

Last Friday I marked the decision to not compete with the addition of new tattoo, one that I posted about a few weeks ago. Tattooing is a very soulful experience for me.

It can represent anything from the end of a chapter with a new beginning to a massive shift or learning experience in my life.

This one was not unlike the others. And like all others I became engrossed in a conversation with the tattoo artist.

A deep conversation about life ensued and we found ourselves on a topic that I am not a stranger to, the power of removing negative influences from your life.

She told me a story…one that will leave you speechless and reflecting on your “closet”.

A woman who was morbidly obese lost over 200lbs without so much as lifting one weight or running one block.

Her doctors were confounded and could not understand how without alterations to diet and exercise she was able to do this.

Her answer was simple and powerful, she told them that she simply removed everyone from her life that was had a negative influence or energy around her. Unbelievably what followed suit was the notable loss of weight.

Perhaps you are sitting there thinking it not possible. Let me tell you from first hand experience that the negative people suck you dry, emotional muggers I call them.

The friends who think that it is ridiculous that you want to go to the gym instead of our to eat.

The family member who calls you up just as you are about to go for a run to complain about their life and guilt you into talking to them instead.

The grandmother who makes you feel like a horrible person for not eating her food.

The colleague who taunts you with stressors all day leaving you exhausted and opting to go home and is in front of the tv with a bag of chips.

Indeed you are the one who lets these people affect you. Victimization doesn’t have a home here at How Does She Do It Mom…so you have to own that responsibility.

However with the awareness of what these people do to your life you have the choice to remain entangled in relationships and allow yourself to be affected by them or to take care of yourself.

My “social circle closet” as I call it has been renovated many times.

As I grew people drifted away from me.

As I evolved I lost intrest in placating to the whims of the “Negative Nancy’s” who were doing nothing but trying to bring me down.

As I became more self-assured I lost patience for the “high-school” bullshit that people would levy at me.

My stress level has decreased.

The word “guilt” no longer exists in my vocabulary of emotions.

The relationships that I chose to maintain are with people who are genuine, authentic and who share positive energy with me.

My life has changed inconceivably because of this.

The woman above had a new lease on life.

Perhaps a renovation is in order in your own closet?

How Does She Do It Mom – “The Voice Of The Woman You Used To Be…And Are Looking For”

Related Reading:

Wallpaperswide North Carolina

Malaysian Dating Advice

Tell Your Story As You Want It to Be

How to Be an Online Dating Problem Solver

Get Honest About Your Ex

Black Women, Why Do You Have To Be So Mean?

I Don't Want My Husband Attending a Bachelor Party

I'm Torn Between Taking Care of My Aging Parents And My Family

My Husband Spends Too Much Time And Money on His Family

Online Dating: Dealing With Religious Differences

I am Horrified By My Wife's Sexual History

My Husband Blames Ne For His Anxiety




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 Dear Dr. Ellen: Please tell me how I make myself more and more desirable to win my husband back. He has to give me the chance to prove to him that I have changed. We've not been husband and wife now for almost eight months and separated a total of almost 3 years. I love him more than he can ever imagine. I know he will want me again if he will only open his heart. How do I do that? I know I can. I've made so many wonderful changes in myself and continue to do so! But this loneliness without him gets worse and worse. No one else will, or can ever take his place or even be close to what he is. So, even if I was with someone else, the loneliness and missing him and everything about him would make no difference. - Sally


Related Articles:

My husband always gets his own way

What it takes to be a good lover

I have taken my wife for granted

I'm a very critical person

Moving to another country was a mistake

Physical therapist gets too close

My boyfriend is too close to a female friend

My Husband Flirts With Oher Women

Dear Sally: Unfortunately, you have been separated and not lived as husband and wife for a long time. It is easy to live in the past and be in love with the memories you have had together. It is even easier to live in the future and picture your life as it used to be when you were happy together. The problem is that the PRESENT, which hasn't existed for quite some time, doesn't exist. While you are thinking and dreaming about him, your husband has probably gone on to make a new life for himself. Here is the impossible to answer question I always get asked. How can I make someone love me again if he won't talk to me or see me? The answer is, of course, that it is impossible to show him the changes you have made if he will not talk to you or see you. I am going to assume that you have tried and he hasn't responded. There is no way to force someone's heart to open. I am a great believer that if a relationship is "meant to be" then in time the two of you will get back together. The problem for you is, "How do you fill your time until he comes to the realization that you are the love of his life?" You can't speed up the time for him to realize that you are the best thing that ever happened to him. He may have to experience life without you for the next two, five or even ten years before that happens. In the meantime, continue working on yourself. Keep growing, changing and becoming the best woman you can be, not to get him back, but for your own personal fulfillment. Continue learning from your past mistakes and make wiser decisions and choices in the future.

I always find it amazing that so many couples who are unable to have children finally adopt and then miraculously get pregnant. Once they relax and put their energy and focus into other areas, they wind up with what they couldn't have. I find it is exactly the same for women/men who finally stop waiting for a boyfriend/girlfriend or a husband/wife to come back into their lives. As soon as they fall in love again or pursue a career and stop thinking about the past and are very involved in their current life, the phone rings and there he/she is again. The boyfriend/girlfriend who left, or husband/wife who had an affair, wants to start over again. It seems that when you are busy doing other things and involved in living your life, the very thing that you kept hoping for, magically occurs. Anyone waiting for a phone call knows that as soon as they leave for a second, the phone rings. When you just sit and wait for that phone to ring it never does. So my advice is to get on with your life as if he is never coming back. If he doesn't come back, at least you haven't wasted your life waiting for him. If he does come back, you will have gained valuable life experiences during that time that should help you in the future. - Dr. Ellen

" ["link_replies"]=> string(156) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/8254594110053573709/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/03/i-want-my-husband-back.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/8254594110053573709" ["link_self"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/8254594110053573709" ["link"]=> string(68) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2021/03/i-want-my-husband-back.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [12]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(68) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-8677707816790126201" ["published"]=> string(29) "2021-03-11T07:08:00.003-08:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2021-03-11T07:08:54.762-08:00" ["title"]=> string(15) "We Need to Talk" ["atom_content"]=> string(12797) "

Just because the blog is titled A Good Husband doesn’t necessarily mean that I am that all of the time. Even the best of men can fall down and make a mess of things.

Sometimes it’s easy, after marriage has been going smoothly for a while, to become lax. How many guys dread hearing, “We need to talk?” It’s amazing how oblivious I can be about where my marriage is at in the eyes and heart of my wife. I think, and hope for my sake, that many men can identify with this feeling.

If “We Need to Talk” is a surprise to you, then that’s a warning sign. Just because you don’t think the relationship needs work, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t. I’ve found that a wife can figuratively beat her head against the wall trying to get something across to her husband - and he can one day hear it and say to her, “Well why didn’t you tell me you felt this way before?”

I’ve done myself, my marriage, and all of you a disservice. When I started writing, it was with a passion for improving my marriage. As I wrote, many things seemed to resonate with people and this site started to become popular. The allure of popularity is strong. Twitter and other social media sites made me feel like I was really getting better at marriage - when really, all I was doing was becoming a moderately well known blogger.
Becoming a well known blogger is not what makes a good husband. Improving yourself and caring for your wife make you a good husband.

Daily care, devotion, and attention to her feelings - that’s what makes a good husband.

Validating her feelings - making sure she knows that you care about what she thinks and feels - is more important than being right or winning.

She cares a great deal for you, and feeling rejected or belittled makes her feel ill.

Femininity is different than masculinity, and that’s a good thing.

Husbands, when your wife says We Need to Talk, please listen.

All husbands are interested in skipping foreplay, right?

There are hundreds of thousands of husbands the world over who make it regular practice to get out of their own way.  One of the biggest traps that husbands can fall into is being too prideful to realize when it’s time to make it about what your wife needs, not about what you want.

A friend of mine and I were talking one day and he told me that he had this great evening planned where he was going to have a guitar lesson and then go race remote control cars.  Sounds like a great evening for guys, right?  I talked to him the next day and he told me that he ended up canceling the whole evening.  When I asked him why, he told me that his wife (who, by the way had her fabulous Nerdy Alphabet artwork featured on Arts Afire) had a bad evening and needed to be picked up.  So he just canceled his plans, just like that, to be with her.

Last night when I got home, my wife was knee deep in the middle of writing her final paper for one of her college classes.  She’s been sick for a week, so it was extra stress, and our apartment was a mess.  Without being asked I decided to clean up.  I threw out the trash & the mounds of used tissue, put away the clean & dirty clothes, organized the papers and books, and swept the floor.  It wasn’t much, but it made a huge difference in our stress level.  Then I left her alone to finish her paperwork.

I updated my Facebook status to say, “Cory is a Tidy Husband.”  One of my friends (a guy) asked what that meant, if that had something to do with Kitty Litter?  One of my other friends (a girl) gave a rather terse reply saying that it meant that I put away my socks and didn’t act like it was doing my wife a favor.

The difference between the way men and women think, right?

Husbands, do yourselves and your marriage a favor, and get out of your own way.  These little acts of service are what marriage is all about.  Oh, yeah, and I’ve heard a lot of women say that it’s the best kind of foreplay.

A Good Husband’s Habits

Can parents be lovers too when teenagers are in the house?

Grandmother wants to spend time alone with her grandson who is now part of a new blended family

Son is Not Welcomed in New Husband's Family

Custody of a Troubled Teenager

My Husband Doesn't Trust Me

My Wife Has a Problem With Intimacy

Ex-wife and ex-husband do not agree on daughter's boyfriend

Kids of Interracial and Gay Marriages

It’s A Great Time To Be Single

How to Attract Better Men on Criglist

10 Pieces of Marriage Advice from Don Draper

 

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It’s unfortunate, but cheating husbands are a reality, and it seems like it’s more permissible now than it ever was to cheat on your spouse.

1. Admit that it’s possible. If you’ve found this page via a search engine, you may already be ready to admit this.  If not, then you need to realize that you will probably find any reason to justify your husband’s actions until you can admit that it’s possible for him to cheat.

2. Observe personal behavioral changes. Has your husband suddenly developed an interest in finer clothes, better restaurants, and new activities, and he can’t explain where this interest came from?  Has he picked up a new cologne that you didn’t recommend?

3. Working extra hours. Many guys work extra hours, but if his schedule suddenly changes and he is unspecific about what the extra hours entail, then you could have a problem.  Extra trips and extra business lunches and dinners can also be a warning sign.  If all of the extra hours aren’t adding up to extra pay or extra responsibility (i.e. a promotion), then that could be a warning sign.

4. Observe relationship changes. Was your husband affectionate before and suddenly he stopped?  Is he suddenly more affectionate than before?  He could be acting out guilt over the affair.  Is he ignoring you or stopping conversations short for no apparent reason?  Does he appear distracted or is he picking fights?

5. Check the tech. Computers and cellphones leave trails.  Check browser histories to see if your husband is visiting dating sites or unknown email addresses.  Check cellphone call histories and see if there are repeated calls by numbers you don’t recognize.

6. Reality check. Are you finding hair that isn’t yours?  Lipstick?  Perfume scents?  Collect the evidence and keep a log of it.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your husband is keep a cool head.  Jobs ebb and flow in responsibility.  Marriage relationships change in their emotional dynamic.  Men can develop late life interest in looking better or discovering new hobbies.  Just because there is change or challenges, that doesn’t necessarily indicate an affair.

Cheating also don’t necessarily have to mean the end of your marriage.  You can recover from an affair, although it can be long and difficult.  Marriage is sacred and special, and if your cheating spouse is willing to admit their mistakes and make it work, you can have a long, happy marriage afterward.

I’d love to hear from couples who have recovered from infidelity, or from anyone who knows couples who have been able to put their marriages back together.  Leave a comment below or send an email 

Related Resources:

My husband always gets his own way

What it takes to be a good lover

I have taken my wife for granted

I'm a very critical person

Moving to another country was a mistake

Physical therapist gets too close

My boyfriend is too close to a female friend

My Husband Flirts With Oher Women

 



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 Have you seen the two music videos, featuring pre-pubescent black children, tearing up the Net this week?  The first, Sesame Street’s “I Love My Hair,” is a confidence-boosting diddy sung by a black puppet girl who adores all the cool things her kinky hair can do.

The second, “Whip My r,” shows actor Will Smith’s nine-year-old daughter Willow as a sexy, vamped up badass whipping her super stylish hair back n’ forth whilst singing about keepin’ the party jumpin’.

I wonder which video little girls will pay more attention to.  The cute lesson in self-esteem or the glittery display of grownup sassiness filmed with ADD-inducing cutaways and designer outfits.  Will they be more dazzled by the gorgeous offspring of mega-famous movie stars or a chunk of foam with some guy’s hand shoved up its butt?

I also wonder why Willow Smith is so dead set on whipping her hair back and forth.  There must be more riveting ways to keep a party jumpin’.  Perhaps a piñata or a hearty game of kickball.  And what kind of party is a nine-year-old jumpin’ at anyway?  Isn’t there a clown?  Rides on miniature horses?  Surely, there’s no need for any whipping.

See, I’m a bit nervous we’re all a bunch of weirdoes turning our kids into sex kittens and badasses.  And man oh man, does Willow Smith do a grand job of posing as a stylish, no-nonsense adult female, a kind of pint-sized Rihanna.  If only my mother taught me how to scowl and wear makeup like a rock star, I wouldn’t have spent my adolescence climbing trees and coloring in coloring books.  Man, was I robbed.

I mean, they are marketing Willow’s video to kids, right?  They couldn’t possibly expect an adult to get off on music performed by someone her age.  Nine-year-olds don’t make me want to get my groove on at some jumpin’ party.  Nine-year-olds make me want to read bedtime stories and serve Hawaiian Punch.  I want to pinch their cheeks, not grind them on the dance floor.

Still, the tune is darn catchy.  In fact, I’d pay a million dollars to anyone who could stop “Whip My Hair” from embedding itself into their brain after the first listen.  Go ahead, I dare you.  Maybe it’ll get rid of the Lady Gaga song you’ve had in your head since last Christmas.

Just the other day, I was sitting on the subway staring at a woman whose long, flaxen mane cascaded in waves to her hips.  Her boyfriend adoringly ran his fingers through it as if fondling ribbons of the finest silk.  The sight reminded me of being a little girl wearing a turtleneck on my head, fantasizing I was a pretty white lady and the shirt was my long, luxurious blonde hair.  I imagined Sesame Street having released “I Love My Hair” in time for kid me to see it.  Maybe I wouldn’t be sitting on a subway train decades later envying my straight-haired co-passengers.

But what if a brash little girl my age with hair like mine, like Willow Smith, had become a star with a song about “keeping [her] head up?”  And what if in the song, her black hair was a symbol of pride and rebellion?  A raised fist, so to speak.

Part of me thinks a kid acting like a feisty grownup at a mere nine years old is creepy, especially compared to Sesame Street’s wholesomeness.  But there’s another part of me thinking it’s friggin’ awesome.  Guess I’d have little girls whipping their hair back and forth rather than covering it with turtlenecks.

So, as the kids say nowadays, “Willow…you go, girl.”

Related Reading:

Love vs. Fear

When he says he doesn't know what he wants

An Orgasm a Day

Never Let Him See You Sweat

Как Вести Переписку на Сайте Знакомств

It’s Never too Late to Date with Dignity

Don’t Move in with That Man!

My Delaware Dating List

The Five Love Languages

How to Get Your Ex Back

10 Questions to Never Ask a Man

5 Signs You are Unhappy

Signs Your Guy is Gay

Why You’re Still Single

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So let’s say you live in a highly metropolitan area.  No matter what your custom search, you just wind up with tons upon tons of ladies.  Or, maybe you don’t want to limit yourself with categories like body type or religion, and again, you’ve got pages upon pages of prospects.  How do you weed out the girls who would have nothing to do with geeks, but leave the ones that are geek girls themselves?

You can do just-for-fun keyword searches, of course!  Some of these might not be your own personal interests, but if girls like these, they might have other interests that coincide with yours.

Geek

Now, not every person with similar interests is necessarily going to proclaim themselves a geek, much less on their profile.  However,  many of them do, or they say they’re looking for a geek guy.  Hence, the word “geek” is a great start.

Star Trek / Star Wars

For many people, this is less an entertaining TV show or movie, and more a way of life.  These aren’t necessarily recent, but you’re more likely to find people who will mention these than, say, Dune (though I’ve seen Dune listed, I swear).

Galactica

Basically, it’s the most recent cult sf show, so it has a good chance of being listed.   If you really like an older show like Sliders, it has less of a chance of being listed – but people who like Galactica might like older sf shows.

Whedon/Buffy/Firefly

What does it say about a person if they like Joss Whedon shows?  What does it say if they like them so much they mention him by name?  Lots!

Gamer

If a girl calls herself a gamer, chances are she means it.  Unless she’s really, really confused, and means player.

RPG

This can mean many things, but mentioning it at all means it’s worth a look.

Anime / Otaku

In my experience, people who have an interest in anime also tend to have interests in sf, or fantasy, or both.  Cosplayers might have started out as tabletop gamers, and vice-versa.

This is just a small sampling of what you can come up with.   When doing searches of any kind, I like going as broad as possible, and then narrowing, just so there’s no lost opportunities – and that applies to geeks, too!   Just because you’re one flavor of geek doesn’t mean you can’t search for all kinds – there’s much more crossover than you might think!


Happy hunting!

Действительно ли Вы Хотите Замуж за Иностранца…
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How to Get or Find a Girlfriend
6 Tips to Help You Get Your Ex Back
How to Find a Husband
How to Find or Get a Boyfriend
A Disabled Single Can Find Love Online
How to Find True Love and Soul Mate
Find Friends On Dating Disabled People Communities
Show Love And Affection - Win A Russian Girl As Your Bride
Tips And Information On Dating Disabled Online
Six Girlfriends You Don't Want
Interreligious Dating Problems
Valentine’s Day Survival Guide
" ["link_replies"]=> string(163) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/7742339246839021906/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2020/12/so-lets-say-you-livein-highly.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/7742339246839021906" ["link_self"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/7742339246839021906" ["link"]=> string(75) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2020/12/so-lets-say-you-livein-highly.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [16]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(68) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-6676547123110521922" ["published"]=> string(29) "2020-12-23T07:57:00.005-08:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2020-12-23T07:57:53.839-08:00" ["title"]=> string(37) "Do I Need a Job to Find a Girlfriend?" ["atom_content"]=> string(7651) "

Short answer: no, but you need a job to keep a girlfriend.

That’s not exactly true, of course.  Money is not everything and should definitely not be a factor in choosing a mate.  Many women do not care about a man’s salary or what possible gifts he can give to her.  That is a great quality to look for in a woman—and a potential girlfriend: the lack of superficial values.  However, there are lots of reasons why you do need a job to keep a girlfriend.

Quite simply, a job shows that you work for your money.  You are not a spoiled brat living off a trust fund.  You are not mooching off of your parents.  You pay for your own living expenses, handle your debts, and hopefully, even save for a rainy day.  This shows you possess the basest form of adult responsibility to a woman.

A job shows a woman that you have ambitions or career goals.  Maybe your current job as a grocery store cashier isn’t your life’s dream…but it could be that you are gaining experience to become a storeowner yourself someday.  Dreams very rarely come true without a little work on your part.  A woman with goals of her own will likely be put off by a man who appears to drift through life aimlessly.

Maybe you’ve been working at your current job for five months—or maybe five years.  Either way, this is a way for a woman to gauge your stability (and to even use it as a relationship gauge).  What is your work history like?  Do you have a history of one-month-long assignments before you were fired?  Did you quit as soon as the job lost its appeal or got too hard?  If so, that may send up a red flag to a woman who is looking for commitment.  How will she know you will stick out a relationship if you can’t even stick out a job?

Finally, a job shows that you’re capable.  You’re capable of taking care of yourself, of keeping a job, of carrying yourself as a mature adult.  This is especially important if you hope to one day get married, have a family with this woman, to buy a house.  If you don’t even work, how will you achieve these milestones?  Moreover, a job displays your skill set, what you’re good at.  Productive skills are hard to find in the guy who lays around his parents’ basement all day.

More concretely (and with the near future in mind), without a job you will likely be short of cash at any given time.  What will you do on dates?  What if your new girlfriend wants to go bowling, but you’re broke?  How will you celebrate her birthday?  While money is certainly not essential to finding love, a boyfriend who either forces you to pay for him or holds you back from participating in fun activities is bound to become a burden very quickly.

Related Articles:

Who Goes In Your Dating Profile

Witty Dating Profiles

Choosing a Good Online Dating Username

How To Overcome the Fear of Internet Dating

Tips & Tricks for Great Online Dating Portraits

How to Survive Online Dating without a Profile Picture

Dressing for the First Few Dates

Kuwait Free Dating

Put Sexploration to Work!

Dealing With Relationship Disaster

When Issues of Gender Cause Dating Confusion

Spanish Single Men

" ["link_replies"]=> string(166) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/feeds/6676547123110521922/comments/defaulthttps://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2020/12/do-i-need-job-to-find-girlfriend.html#comment-form" ["link_edit"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/6676547123110521922" ["link_self"]=> string(81) "https://www.blogger.com/feeds/74858939795138015/posts/default/6676547123110521922" ["link"]=> string(78) "https://moslitski70.blogspot.com/2020/12/do-i-need-job-to-find-girlfriend.html" ["author_name"]=> string(4) "Alan" ["author_uri"]=> string(51) "http://www.blogger.com/profile/17406270240041870361" ["author_email"]=> string(19) "noreply@blogger.com" ["thr"]=> array(1) { ["total"]=> string(1) "0" } } [17]=> array(13) { ["id"]=> string(68) "tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74858939795138015.post-3331765257660707465" ["published"]=> string(29) "2020-09-21T08:33:00.002-07:00" ["updated"]=> string(29) "2020-09-21T08:33:28.649-07:00" ["title"]=> string(39) "How To Break Up And How To Deal With It" ["atom_content"]=> string(21977) "

 

Breaking up is rotten, it doesn’t matter how it happened, you did it, she did it, it’s still a b**ch. I’ve been asked to do a break-up article so often that I felt it was time to do it. This article will teach you how to break up with her but also how to deal with it (regardless of who dumped who).

How To Break Up

First of all NEVER jump into a relationship. As previously discussed in the “how to date multiple women” article, it’s important to establish things from the very beginning, meaning that if you don’t want a relationship YOU should tell her.

Even if you do this to the best of your knowledge, or avoided it because you just wanted to sleep with her (by telling her anything she wanted to hear) you’ll see that the woman starts to get emotional involved. Sadly, if that happens it’s impossible to break up with her without hurting her feelings.

This could be viewed as the ending of an emotional relationship, meaning it would be impossible without hurting someone emotionally.

So let’s say that she’s starting to fall in love with you and you aren’t really feeling it. The most important thing that you can do is to tell her what you feel. Just tell her that you don’t want to be serious and that you don’t feel the same way. It’s going to hurt her regardless how you do it, but at least this way you’re being honest and she’s going to respect you for that. Often enough you’ll even see her turning into a f**k buddy, but you’ll also see another one leaving because she just can’t take the pain.

Another important thing is that when you say it, she won’t really believe you because you’re not actually DOING IT. You might tell her that you don’t want a relationship at the moment but she won’t leave you and soon enough you’ll find yourself in all sorts of boyfriend situations (come meet my parents, come hang out with my friends etc).

What’s important to remember here is that you need to DO what you claim to feel. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want a relationship, if you act like a boyfriend she’s going to get really upset that “you’re not her boyfriend”. If you don’t act like one, she won’t have anything to complain about.

When it comes to breaking up and keeping women for casual sex there’s 2 very important things that you need to remember. Be absolutely honest and open and make sure you back up your words with actions.

How To Deal With It

This can happen to all of us. It has happened to me and it’s going to happen to men all over the world. If you had an emotional involvement into a relationship, dealing with a break-up is always going to be hard. It will be especially hard if you get dumped but even if you break-up with her (for whatever reason) and you were emotionally involved, it’s still going to hurt like hell.

This is one of the moments where you can thank God (or any other deity) that you are a man and not a woman. Having a logical brain (and not emotional, like women) means that you can deal with this much faster and easier that any women could ever do.

First thing you need to realize and keep repeating to yourself is that IT’S GOING TO BE OK. It’s not the end of the world, she wasn’t the only girl on this planet, you got her, you can get thousands more, you’ll be fine. As soon as you’ve got that down into your head, you’re already half way there.

Now, coming back to why you should be happy that you’re a man is because your brain has the outstanding capability to think and do whatever you want it to do. This means that in order to get over a break-up efficiently, you need to concentrate your brain on anything else but her and the relationship.

You can do this because you’re a man and here are a few things TO do in order to keep your mind away from all the pain and suffering.

DO NOT have rebound sex!

That’s right, contrary to the popular belief that the best remedy is the rebound girl, I honestly believe that will do more worse than good and here’s why. Let’s say you manage to get your mind of her and the relationship, if you go out, meet a new girl and have sex with her, you’re much more prone to remembering what you had with the other one etc.

This can have devastating consequences as being so emotionally damaged; you could actually start another relationship just out of stupidity. Also, you might get rejected a lot because you’re already under emotional stress (very bad for your game) and that’s going to depress you even more.

So, best thing to do is to give to yourself a FEW weeks or even ONE MONTH if the relationship was serious. Take time for yourself. Learn to enjoy time by yourself, listen to your favorite music, do the things you couldn’t do in the relationship and embrace this change. Soon you’ll realize that it’s no big deal and things will be fine.

Exercise is great for your mind

Another great thing that keeps your mind of things is exercise. Studies have shown that people who exercise process negative emotions faster and are depressed for far shorter spans of time. So, going to the gym and working out will not only take your mind of her but it will also help speed things up.

This happens because exercise will speed up your metabolism which also speeds up emotional recovery. Plus, working out releases endorphins into your brain which makes you feel good making it an even better remedy for break-ups.

Work – A LOT!

This may sound bad but believe me it isn’t. As previously mentioned, men’s brains have the capability to ban certain thoughts at will. This also makes us crap at multitasking but that’s a different problem.

If you focus your mind ON work, work is the only thing you think about. If you only think about work, you won’t think about her anymore. This is not a long term solution but its fantastic way to get over those first few weeks. You’re basically channeling those negative emotions into something productive.

It doesn’t have to be work, it can also be your hobbies or whatever else keeps your mind occupied. I personally have a tendency to work incredibly long hours when I’m depressed and as shocking as this may seem I come up with fantastic results that make me feel a lot better about myself and life in general.

If you’ve been dumped this is the best thing you can do. Turn all those negative feelings into MOTIVATION. Say something like “I’m going to make so much money/look so great that will make her soo jealous” – this will eventually start as doing it for her but will soon turn into you realizing what you’ve accomplished and taking advantage of it and improving your life (not to mention, FORGETTING about that chick that didn’t know how to appreciate you).

Turn your pain and suffering into your own success.

Camp at your friends

Another great break-up remedy is your friends. Hanging out with your friends will immediately make you feel better and forget about her as long as you are with them. When you’re in a relationship you don’t get AS much time with your friends, so breaking up is a fantastic way to get back to that.

When I say be with your friends, I’m not referring to going out in clubs and hooking up with women, go to their house, relax, laugh, play video games, watch sports, do sports, drink beer and generally have a good time. You will find that your friends are the best remedy and fastest way to ease that pain.

Related Articles:

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/how-to-stop-caring-what-others-think-of-you/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/the-big-mistake-men-make-when-giving/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/what-should-you-do-when-people-dont-like-you/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/dating-advice-and-skepticism/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/the-4-things-that-count-in-a-mans-life/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/why-she-treated-her-ex-better-than-she-treats-you/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/why-pick-up-lines-dont-work-and-never-will/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/23-turn-offs-that-scare-women-away/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/how-to-be-more-confident-and-have-tight-inner-game/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/how-to-get-younger-women-age-18-22/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/10-untrue-myths-about-women/

https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/09/21/10-reasons-why-online-dating-is-still-worth-considering/



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 If you haven't noticed I've somewhat retired from this blog. I feel that it is time, for everyone, to move on. I also feel that I've pretty much said everything that can be said on this subject. My long time readers will also note that I make it a point to NOT discuss black men on this forum. They aren't part of this equation. However, I have noticed a relatively recent, disturbing trend that I cannot ignore. 


I want to talk about what I'm observing because I want to make it known and I want others to be cognizant of it when they see it happening. This way people cannot say that they didn't know or weren't warned. This is too important to just pass off. When people can control and manipulate the narrative of YOUR history they can control your future and deny your present.  

I will not name or link back to any of the guilty parties because I do not want to give them any more undeserved shine. If you've been on social media for any amount of time you already know who it is that I am talking about. There is a small, but vocal, contingent of DBR and misogynistic African American males that are attempting to re-write the history of the African American woman in this country. They will claim things like:



Among other things. 

This is all happening for a reason. These men do not like that their power over BW is waning. They do not want to continue to see the prime resource that they still control- BW's time, energy, and money- going elsewhere or demanding some form of reciprocity in return. Without you they would have nothing and they know it. They know that even though they may put them on a pedestal, other races of women are not going to be down, working, protesting, and marching on their behalf the way BW historically have. They need the narrative to be that BW were never really down for the BM and the black family to begin with.  They need people to see BW in a certain light in order to validate their failures, dysfunctions, and choices. They need BW to feel guilty in order to continue the gravy train.    

Do not ignore this or pass it off to the side as we've done in the past. Call it out when you see it and correct it when need be. Whoever controls the past also controls the future.  

Related Links:


 

American Single Women

Addicted To Love

Free Dating

Sam Mendes

Are Age Differences a Barrier to Romance?

There is More to Life Than Being Someone’s Wife.

Why BW Need The Rules

How To Go Out Alone Without Being Alone

Dating Expert

How To Be Irresistible to White Men

The New Rules of Attraction



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Get Creative with Your Favorite Phrase

People think that saying those three magical (and sometimes terrifying words) “I love you” is the hardest part of the game. Climbing to the top of that emotional mountain seems like such an accomplishment, that we sometimes forget how to live what we speak. Here are 10 ways to show your lover that you don’t just talk the talk, you walk the love walk, as well.

Coming Home to a Bouquet of Fresh Flowers


This may seem cliche, but there is nothing quite as lovely as the simple act of buying your lover flowers. It creates a fragrant and romantic ambience and is very thoughtful. Flowers cheer up any room, and can turn any frown upside down! Yes, men can receive flowers, too, and it actually works well when you turn the tables! They feel appreciated and pleasantly surprised; you can’t go wrong!

Little, Random Love Notes


As your love stumbles into the shower at 6 am, wouldn’t it be a sweet surprise to find a little note attached to the mirror in the bathroom, saying how much you love being with him or her? How about as they grab their briefcase, backpack, or purse and reach in to find a little note that says something amorous? A little note can go a long way, and when you have something tangible to look at throughout your day, it can definitely put a little spring in your step!

Making Their Favorite Meal From Scratch

    
Nothing shows how you can nurture your partner more than cooking for them. There is something seductive about feeding your partner delicious, homemade food that they crave. Whether you are a great chef or hardly boil water well, the important part is to try. The effort shows more than the perfect finished product, and if all else fails, you can have a good laugh together (which is always sexy) over burning the casserole and order take-out, instead!

Speaking of Food...Plan a Picnic


Bring some fabulous wine, really good crusty bread, some juicy fruits (like pomegranates or strawberries), and any other delicious items you want. Grab an old blanket and lay it out at the park or nearby grassy field and lay with one another, looking up at the sky. Feel the breeze on your skin, the sun kissing your face and enjoy the moments of being with your lover.

Little Treats Go a Long Way


Does your partner enjoy running? Sneak little treats into their running shoes, like new running socks or sunscreen. Do they love a certain type of candy? Plan a trip to the movies and sneak in their favorite snack that they don’t care at the concession stand. How about their favorite coffee drink? Pick them one up on your way home to show that they were on your mind. These ideas may seem minute and even silly, but making your lover smile can reinvigorate the relationship and keep it fresh.

Babysit for the Night


If you have children, giving your love the night off to do something that they want to do, whether it’s catch up with a friend, visit family, or just be alone to read or relax without interruptions can really go a long way. By allowing one another some free time, you are building on your trust for each other, you are strengthening mutual respect and understanding for one another’s needs, and you are giving that person a chance to reboot. By giving of yourself, you show your love that you are in this for the long run.

Use Technology to Your Advantage


Little random emails or 
text messages that say simple things like “thinking of u” or “xo miss u” can really brighten someone’s day, especially if they are having a challenging day at work or school or wherever they are at. It isn’t necessarily what you say that is important, it’s the fact that you took a few moments out of your day to let them know that they are on your mind.

House Chores


Does your partner hate to iron? What about vacuum? Whatever task at home your partner loathes, surprise them by doing it before they get the chance to. Coming home to your basket of clothes being folded and pressed, or finding a clean kitchen in the morning is a wonderful feeling. Housework can be overwhelming and never ending. Seeing your partner make an effort for you and your home let’s you know there is love and respect residing in your house.

Massage


The act of 
touching your lover in a soothing, relaxing way can really enhance not only your relationship, but the sexual and sensual energy between the two of you. If your lover has had a long day or just looks uncomfortable, tell them to sit down and rub their shoulders for a while. This doesn’t have to be a full-on hour long massage. Just sitting for ten minutes rubbing away some stress can really melt tension that they are feeling.

Affection


Sounds like a no-brainer, but it is always important to keep affection and flirtation in your marriage. Little kisses here and there, just hugging for no reason, subtle touching on the lower back or holding hands as you walk down the street can create a sense of unity and keep you bonded with your partner. Yes, some couples don’t like PDA, but you can always snuggle on the couch together or take a bath in the privacy of your own home. This isn’t about sex. This is about getting the love energy flowing between the two of you and that starts with a wink and a kiss!

There are a million different ways to show your lover that you care. I have only listed a few. Whatever way you decide to demonstrate your love, just remember, the greatest gifts come from the heart.

 Resources:

Philippines Online Dating Evolution, the Past, Present and Future

Alex Etsy

Secretly Converting Your Lover to Green

Keeping Long-Distance Love Alive

 Speed Dating on the Web?

10 Steps to Solidify Your Love

Keeping Secrets From Your Partner

(Awkward!) Online Date

How NOT to Set Up Friends on a Blind Date

You’re Ready For The Wedding, But Are You Ready For Marriage?

Is Your Friend Zone Full?

A Prelude to a Date

Would You Know Him If You Met Him?

Remembering Will and Grace

How to turn your woman on mentally

Online Dating Advice Being Honest

Online Dating On Our Coping Mechanism in Break-Ups

The Bigger Perspective Of Love Relationships

Parental Оbjection and Your Love Relationship

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I know when people read the above title, they get interested and think that they hearing some advices, they are better equipped to get a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The truth is, anybody who asks that question doesn’t understand anything about relationships; you aren’t just going to be getting a partner by using pickup lines, dressing up in the best way that you can and try to appear attractive.

When I was younger, I received such advices before, and it proves to be more of a crap than helpful.

I am sharing this today for one of my friends, who is going after a lady’s heart. And for those who are in the same situation of pursuing someone’s heart, be it a guy or a girl, this is definitely for you.

“How to get a boyfriend/girlfriend?” is a silly question.

You cannot “get” a boyfriend or girlfriend by taking certain steps or procedures. Humans are not robots.

I have seen guys who tried using pickup lines, and asked a lady for her contacts. Immediately he was rejected. It doesn’t matter what kind of pickup lines, gifts or methods he used; it is doomed to failure.

Why? That is because girls and ladies just don’t give their contacts to creeps. If you do not know them in the first place, you got to have them trust and establish a good impression of you first, lest they risk themselves to an unknown stranger.

Similarly, some girls can be rather direct towards guys too, and in some cases they scare the guys.

Pickup lines, gifts and methods just do not work. Instead, understand what truly attracts you to a girl or a guy, and you will understand that unless you adopt some traits, mannerisms or attributes, you won’t be able to pursue someone’s heart easily.

Top most important tip: Be a person of ‘value’

We are all attracted to someone that has a great sense of value or worth. What does that mean?

Some people just have the looks to attract the opposite gender. And when guys or girls see them, they immediately feel that this person has a certain sense of ‘value’ in them, and will treat them better than other people.

Similarly, confident or people with charisma always emit an aura of ‘worth’ and ‘value’, that impresses us to feel differently amongst the rest. They literally influence us to act differently towards them to, where we will show greater respect or politeness than someone else.

You have to learn to be a person of value to other people, or at least appear as one, instead of focusing on ineffective methods and steps in attracting the opposite gender.

Find out within yourself what are the traits that make you a person of ‘value’. It doesn’t necessary have to be skin deep.

What are the common traits of people who has ‘value’?
1. People who have great looks.

2. People who have a flair in talking.

3. People who appear to be interesting, and have experiences in many things.

4. People who are humorous.

5. People who are confident.

6. People who are not men-pleasers; they have a stand of their own and have their unique set of thinking.

However they are not weird and out-of-this-world.

7. People who have a vision in life and are actively pursuing their vision. They are not all talk only.

8. A kind and a pleasant personality also attracts.

9. People who are financially independent, and have the substance to progress further.

10. People who are adventurous, outing and sporty; they are not introverted.

11. People who have a set of great abilities and skills; like playing the guitar or sing well.

12. People who are romantic.

13. People who are presentable in their appearance, and bother to do some personal grooming.

All these traits are not ranked according to numbers; they are completely random, and may differ with different people’s true likings.

However, these traits are not exactly far off. We must understand that what attracts us to others, should be similar with what others are to be attracted to us about.

Some tips to appear like a person of ‘value’…

1. You must never appear desperate for love before your crush.

You need to have the capacity to let go, to face the prospect of being rejected and not appreciated at all.

Those who do not have this mentality usually have a very rare chance of succeeding.

2. Never ask for your crush’s contacts if you have not established a good impression and trust in the first place.

That is because even if you have your crush’s contacts, your crush can easily ignore your messages and phone calls; or just ignore you completely if he or she dislikes you.

So what’s the point of getting your crush’s contacts if it is going to end this way? It would have been better if you leave room for more opportunities to impress, rather than letting your crush dislike you forever.

3. Only ask for personal contacts from your crush in a suitable situation or setting.

You do not want to scare the other party by approaching him or her drastically.

Look for ways to exchange contacts in a casual way. Supposed you need to go to a certain event together, and you have asked to arrange a meetup first before attending the event. There and then you should ask for your crush’s contacts, and it will not appear threatening to him or her.

There are many situations where you can ask for contacts casually. Just never ask directly because it may be a little threatening or it may expose your intentions too soon for your good.

4. Even if you have your crush’s contacts, don’t harass him or her by trying to contact with every slightest point of opportunity.

Otherwise, you will be labelled as a creep and a stalker, and prepare for the cold shoulder from your crush in the upcoming days.

Everything should always be casual, and in a non-threatening manner, to ensure that your build your impression in your crush subtlety.

5. You can learn to be confident and sure. If not, just appear confident, but don’t let anyone find out…

However, it takes time to develop confidence, and the strength to face the risk of failures.

Yet it is one of the best ways to appear like a person of ‘value’.

6. Never try too hard to impress your crush.

This comes in many shapes and forms.

Some people buy expensive gifts to their crush, not knowing that instead of making the other party feel happy, they feel pressure and obligation instead.

Others just talk too much to impress.

Don’t try too hard, it will backfire and you will get a bad impression instead of a good one instead.

7. However, just be around your crush and engage him or her subtlety in your conversations and activities.

There are alot of ways to engage your crush.

You can be a little teasing and not be overboard. Or you can always ask questions and find out more about the other party. Give your views if needed, but always be more willing to hear than to speak with your crush.

If you appear too shy towards your crush, it may be mistakenly interpreted as a lack of confidence towards people.

8. Expand your horizons in your experiences and thoughts.

A hermit living in his or her own world is very unlikely to find love.

Go out, make friends, join activities and have fun! Along the way, you will gain experience, and accumulate thoughts.

Therefore if you are able to relate to others your experiences and thoughts, you will appear interesting instead of boring.

9. Learn a new skill and adopt a hobby which you enjoy.

People who are skillful in their area of interest usually look attractive. How many times are we mesmerized by someone playing the guitar well? Or someone performing magic or card tricks to us?

However, my word of advice is to never take up a skill in order to impress the opposite gender and to get a partner. If your source of motivation is only that partner, you will burn out easily.

Rather, find something which you enjoy where you can pick up and learn.

10. Be ready to give your opinion and views, but do not be overbearing.

People can sense confidence in your opinions and views, so it is great to be an input in conversations.

However, don’t be stubborn in your opinions; give others space, and your crush will notice the depth of your personality and character.

Other advices to be continued…

I have other advices and tips that I do want to share, but this is a long post and I hope to keep it focused.

I also do wish to create a series out of this, and if any of you have anything you want me to share about, do let me know through the comments page below.

So what do you think? Does pickup lines, gifts and other methods work in getting a boyfriend or girlfriend?

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One thing I have learnt when making acquaintances - it is vital to start off on the right foot. You need your friends, employer, colleagues, your loved ones even strangers to like you, respect you, trust you.

So how do first impressions happen, anyway? 

They are generated in the most primitive area of the brain, the same
area that processes feelings. When first meeting someone, we immediately assess outward appearance: height, race, age, clothing, etc. Then we notice demeanor, including facial expressions and body language. It is only afterward that the content of the conversation and the way it's said (choice of words, accent) come into play. 

GOLDEN PRINCIPLE

So how can you make a fantastic first impression? The “golden principle” is actually quite simple; people like people who are like them. When people are similar in dress styles, appearance, demeanor, and speech, they automatically assume they are equally similar in social level, education, and even values—and they tend to like each other pretty quickly.

Some things you have little control over, such as race, height, or age. Hairstylesclothing, and accessories, however, are entirely your choice. How much can you adjust to the people you are meeting? You wouldn't wear a t- shirt and jeans to a bank interview, nor would you wear a three-piece suit at a barbecue of your partner's parents. 

Body language and facial expressions are among the most important aspects of first impressions. Your body is a 24-hour broadcasting station, revealing precisely how you feel at any given moment. Right now—from the crinkle of your forehead to the angle of your feet you're sending out information to anyone around you. Unfortunately, you can't control this vital part of the process consciously. Like your heart and breathing, it is usually controlled by your subconscious mind. One interesting thing about the subconscious mind is that it does not distinguish between imagination and reality.


SO HOW DO YOU CREATE A GREAT IMPRESSION

Look Your Best Always

You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.

Feel free to share this blog post with your friends using the share buttons below this post.

If you have anything to contribute or ask, kindly make use of the comment form below.

 

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Anna Folkner

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Film Quotes That Have Inspired My Personal Dating Life

How To Manage A Long Distance Relationship

Grabbing Your Feminism By the Balls

Signs He’s Cheating On You

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If you are dating online then you know that flirting in the cyber world is just as important as flirting in the real world.  Just because you’re carrying on your conversation via email instead of face-to-face does not mean you can’t be flirty and show your personality.  Many people seem to think there is an art to flirting and I have to agree with them.  Flirting is an art; you can learn the art of flirting and become very successful at it with your online dates.

 

We’re not talking rocket science here folks!  Learning to flirt is not difficult.  It simply takes a bit of confidence and attention to detail.  If you are with your date in person, eye contact is essential; however, you obviously cannot do this when you are online.  Email flirting takes some practice.  You know how you feel when someone you like remembers things you’ve told him.  They remember your favorite restaurant or your favorite type of music—well that’s what I mean when I say pay attention to details.  Remember what your online date tells you about himself, and then remark about it.  This is flirting.  This is showing him that you’ve taken the time to listen (or in this case read) carefully about the things he’s told you about himself.  When you repeat back to him what he has said to you, he feels good.  Paying attention and taking a strong interest in your date is essential if you’re going to be a good flirt!


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Don’t be complimentary for the sake of being complimentary because it will have a false ring to it and your date will know you’re not being sincere. Empty, fluffy remarks will sound empty and shallow and you can be sure he will move on to the next woman who seems to have more going on in her head.  Being able to hold your own in a conversation is important as well as being sexy.  Email conversations are just as important as in-person talks, so be mindful that you’re taking your time to construct a well-thought out and interesting email.  That’s the beauty of email; you can take your time and get it just right.

Be true to who you are.  This means that if you’re not the type to wink or flutter your eyelashes in person, don’t do it in an email.  Don’t use a million emoticons in an attempt to be someone you’re not.  Flirting isn’t all about being the silly, helpless female.  Successful flirting is a way to showcase your amazing and unique personality along with communicating eloquently with your new guy.  Believe it or not, if you are able to express yourself in an open and honest way, this can be a real turn-on.

Most importantly, don’t try so hard.  Don’t try to be someone you’re not.  Just be yourself.  Include him as much as you can in the conversation so you’re not rambling on and on about you.  When you show him you are a confident woman with your own specific likes and dislikes and you include him in the conversation, you will be on your way to becoming a natural flirt.  Easier than you thought, isn’t it?

 


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It’s a well-known fact that we’re constantly sending signals to people.  Body language, gestures and phrases all come into play.  What we may not realize, though, is how our appearance plays a part in sending signals, too.  From clothing to hair and make-up, we’re telling the world where we’re at emotionally.  Knowing what you’re showing can help you understand why you’re getting the reactions you are, and how to modify yourself to being irresistible.

Starting with hair: the length of your hair can reflect your personality.  The shorter and more stylish it is, the more it tells others you’re high-maintenance, high-strung and meticulous.  It can also be a signal of insecurity because of the constant upkeep.  The most girlfriend-friendly hairstyles are mid-length, from chin to shoulders.  You take care of yourself, but don’t overdo it.  Long hair can be two different things:  either you’re attempting to recapture or play on youthfulness (which can be a sign of desperation if you’re an older woman) or that you simply don’t care.

Hair color is another readable factor.  Many women color their hair, and the choices in coloring speak volumes.  Black hair is the intentional rebel.  Brown hair is (again) the most friendly, because it’s the most common.  With warm highlights, it shows openness.  Red hair is the rarest, and will soon die out altogether.  A woman who colors her hair red is ready for a relationship and looking for attention.  Bottle blonds can come off as icy or unapproachable, and because the bleach does so much damage the ends get brittle.  Not keeping it trimmed makes a stereotypical cheapness.

The clothing we wear is also a reflection, not just in the style but in the color choices.  Here are the most common:

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There are so many terms for ‘bad people’ that influence you in such negative ways.  Emotional leeches, psychic vampires, the hystericals and drama queens (a.k.a. social vamps).  We all have them in our circumference.  Many of us have to deal with them on a daily basis.  What a lot of us don’t take into account, however, is how they can affect our moods, personalities and even our health if we give them too much sway.  Our guilt plays a gruesome game between our conscience and our own needs- usually with guilt getting a leg up, over and under our skin.



It’s actually got a psychological term that’s been scientifically proven:  emotional contagion.  Think back through the years to all of those you’ve known that were needy, clingy, continuously vicious and enraged, the people that once you left them you felt absolutely drained.  You were in a good mood, and it can take less than minutes for a ‘negative’ personality to wipe that joy slate clean.  They might have even left you feeling downright surly.  Neuroscience says that deeply unhappy people infect others, because we are subconscious mirrors to those around us.  Spending a lot of time with certain people, we pick up their gestures, their phrases and eventually their behavior.  We’re unconscious mimics- or unconscious hosts.  Identify the types:

https://fredatingadvices.weebly.com/blog/internet-dating-rejection

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There is good news, though- if you attract them, it means you’re generally happy and stable.  Getting rid of them is tough on guilt-trips but you have to stay strong.  Limit contact, if you can’t sever it completely.  They’ll keep trying to come back.  Don’t waver.  Just remember:  happiness is the left side of the brain and it’s logical.  Anger, resentment or depression are all right-siders, and they’re irrational.  Cleansing yourself of external negativity means you’re in the right frame of mind, even if your head’s a southpaw.

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